15 Years of Marriage

REFLECTIONS ON 15 YEARS OF MARRIAGE

The other day I asked my wife, Lynn, if there was a certain moment when she knew she was in love with me.  She said, “No, not really.”  I was afraid to ask the next logical question, “Well…are you in love with me now?”  So I let the conversation fizzle out.  But we have been thinking a lot lately about such things as we are preparing to celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary on August 3rd.  Actually, it probably won’t be much of a celebration on that day as we will be on vacation with our kids and all of Lynn’s extended family, and the only fine dining within the immediate vicinity will be Dairy Queen, but we will do our best!

We didn’t have a perfect courtship, and actually broke up for several months, but in the end I believe the struggles early on allowed us to be stronger later.  After dating for a few months I wasn’t sure my heart was in a serious relationship, and the urge was still there to be in a full-time touring band.  After we broke up around Easter, I got a call from Artesian, a Christian funk band in Florida, to join them on guitar and produce their debut album.

During that year Lynn’s family had a young African boy, named Larry, staying with them as he received medical treatment.  Late in the summer he got sick and passed away, around the time of the 9/11 attacks, and I remember thinking about Lynn and wondering how she was doing.  We began to converse again, and by the Fall I asked if she would take me back.  After her visit to Florida the following January, we knew we were meant to be together.  I returned to the Sioux Falls area on Valentine’s Day, we soon got engaged, and that summer 15 years ago we were married.

Though it is far from perfect, and there is plenty of room to improve, I have always believed we have a good marriage.  This week I’ve been trying to put my finger on why that might be true.  I think the first reason is because we strive to get our deepest fulfillment from God rather than each other.  Both of us experienced rapid spiritual growth as young adults, and as a result neither of us felt we HAD to get married to be a whole person.  On the other hand, another reason our marriage has been blessed is that we were raised to believe that divorce is almost never an option.  We can’t remember our parents saying that, exactly, but the fact remains that they lived it out day after day, and Lynn and I are fortunate not to have a single divorce among our grandparents, parents, or siblings.  The message we learned growing up was that if you choose to get married, you do everything you can to make it work.

I always go back to one of my favorite Sara Groves lyrics… “Let’s find out…the beauty of seeing things through.”  I can’t wait to see what the next 15 years will look like, and hopefully 15 more after that, Lord willing.  May the marriages at ARC all be a shining light to the world of how God’s love and grace can be manifested in our relationships day after day, year after year!

Cory Grimm

 

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